AN ABSOLUTE CRAP REVIEW #1

Greetings and salutations, fellow poopers. If you’ve stumbled onto this by some coincidence, you’re procrastinating or you’re reading this on the toilet whilst you’re pooping.

What is this? Why am I reading this? People write blogs on fashion, food, lifting; yet upon prolonged consideration, I’ve decided to pursue my passion and transcended from pooping Snapchats to a new medium. This is more than a place for reviews about my pooping experiences in disabled toilets, this is art. 

 You’re here now, the shitstain of the internet. This is ya boi’s first review, by yours truly. I have big plans for this blog; prepare your anuses.  Stay tuned for weekly SHIT content.

Context:

Food consumed prior to excretion: King Prawn & BBQ Pork Noodle Soup with a Large Slurpee from 7/11 Market City @ 7:30pm 14/4/17.

7:45: Amidst the contentment of a full stomach and feeling extremely enlightened after a solid half an hour study session, I felt the necessary urge to deplete myself, upon the release of continuous atom bombs erupting from my rear. Finding a good toilet to poop is always important, you wouldn’t eat at a bad restaurant, the same logic I feel applies to toilets. Regardless, UTS was in my nearest vicinity; so I ventured to the library in desperation that the disabled toilet would be free. A tip to fellow poopers, if you’re ever around UTS; I would recommend paying a visit to UTS’s disabled toilet in the library Level 3. That disabled toilet, by far ranks at the top for my poops, but that’s another story for another time.

Anyways, to my utmost disappointment; I discovered that the library was in fact closed due to Easter hours. It was nearing a 7/10 on the Poop Richter scale, so this emergency had to be dealt with immediately and efficiently. So instead, I went to B5 Green Room’s Disabled Toilet. Let’s get on to the ratings:

Location: B5 GREEN ROOM DISABLED TOILET:

  • Restricted from public use (require a UTS ID to enter)
  • Location was relatively easy to find.
  • Lock was definitely tricky, took a minute to understand the system (it kept opening from the inside) -0.5 for that

Immediately, I get that sweet aromatic smell that only disabled toilets seem to possess. NOTE: Many, if not all, of these reviews, will be dedicated to looking at experiences on disabled toilets. Anyways, this toilet was pleasant, definitely indicated that this was a toilet that was maintained and looked after regularly. I was also pleasantly surprised by the amenities present! A shower? In my vast experience of UTS disabled toilets, I have had very limited encounters with showers, so it was reassuring knowing that after doing WW3 in the bowl, there’s a nice place to cool down.

The toilet seat was surprisingly ergonomic, with the shape of the toilet shaping perfectly around my buttocks; creating a powerful suction-like effect which definitely accentuated my experience. Not only was my experience pleasant throughout, I also experienced great after service as the hand dryer, automatic tap were working! A functional rarity, for anyone well-versed in public toilets. However, as pleasant as my experience was, I did suffer some drawbacks:

  • There was no mirror in front of the toilet. A major drawback and key criteria in the overall dynamic for disabled toilets! Very unpleasant experience in that criteria. (This caused quite a loss in points)
  • Single ply paper. Not too much of a problem as this is a systematic problem all throughout toilets.

Overall VERDICT: This is probably the best option you have for toilets around the Market City if you are a UTS Student. Worth a peep, and if you’re ever busting to chuck a PHAT POOP, this is a must visit.

POOP RATING: 7.5/10

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Anyways that concludes my first POOP review. Hope you’ve enjoyed! Leave a comment if you’ve had a similar experience or whatever. Catch you at the next SHIT REVIEW.